For a long time, I believed I could control more than I actually could. I thought I was being thoughtful, intentional, maybe even wise. But really, I was just exhausting myself trying to steer things that were never mine to steer.

In my marriage, I truly believed I could make someone else happy. I worked hard at it. I planned surprises, said the right things, avoided the wrong ones. I thought if I just put in enough effort, I could shape how she felt. But it never worked. You can’t make someone happy. You can’t fix their pain or fill their emptiness. That’s not something you get to control, no matter how good your intentions are.

At work, I used to believe that if I worked hard enough and stayed sharp, I could create job security. I kept everything organized, stayed late, did the extra research. I thought that meant safety. But then a company pivots, a manager leaves, or someone changes their mind, and everything shifts overnight. It didn’t matter how well I had planned it all. I couldn’t control the company. I could only control how I responded to change.

Even socially, I fell into the trap of trying to get people to like me. I’ve tried to be clever, helpful, interesting, all in an effort to win someone over. But it turns out you can’t control how people feel about you either. You can only control how you show up. When I finally started just being myself and stopped trying to win people, the irony is that I actually connected with more of them. Not because I was trying, but because I wasn’t.

All of this led me to a simple but powerful truth. You can’t control people. You can’t control outcomes. You can’t even control what happens tomorrow. The only thing you actually have control over is your attitude. Your mindset. Your effort. How you show up.

And that changes everything.

When I stopped wasting energy on things outside of my control, life got lighter. I started showing up better in every area, because I wasn’t bogged down by what-ifs and should-haves. At work, I got more creative. With my kids, I got more present. Even in tough moments, I could still choose how to carry myself. And that made the hard stuff more manageable.

Your attitude is yours. Always. It’s the one thing no one can take from you, and the one thing that can shape how everything else feels.

So stop trying to control the uncontrollable. Choose your attitude. That one thing can make all the difference.

If you have not read it I would highly recommend the book "Man's search for meaning" by Viktor Frankl